I'm not a good blogger. I don't find it relaxing in any way. I continue to struggle with who in the world would want to read about our everyday life. I simply do it to keep in touch with family and possibly inspire or encourage others who are considering adoption. I'm not going to lie, I think about stopping as the weeks pass and I have posted nothing. Then I remember, ah yes we are adopting again and although I fully expect to have little to no service in Rwanda you just never know. My family may have some sort of breakdown if they don't have the connection to our experience as they did with Tessa. I may need to invoke a family volunteer to type updates for me. :)
As we move further into the paperwork of our second adoption I am starting to feel more and more anxiety while trying to hold onto the feelings I had at the beginning of our first. I am certainly more relaxed about filling out the paperwork, even after reading all the tough questions and what if's that could happen. I have grown enough through this process to learn that many of those occur if you have a child biologically. It is all perspective. I have started a new binder for Baby H #2, but I do hope it will not be as thick as Tessa's (formally Baby H #1) but if it is, it is - I have no control over it. I have no control over the process..none. Four and a half years was a tough lesson. I cried way too much, feeling sorry for myself I suppose. And yet there are still parents waiting for China, their resolve is amazing. Adoption is stressful but once they place that little one in your arms the stress melts away....for about a 10 minutes. Then you are like holy moly, this is it - welcome to the crazy family (so sorry). All kidding aside I welcome the associated stress this time because I know how it ends.
So bring it on....bring on the parenting classes I have already taken once and will have to take again (grrr), bring on the ONE trip to the INS for fingerprints that they struggle to get from me, bring on the 500 pages of forms I have to sign, bring on the homestudy visits (I'm not cleaning my baseboards this time) and bring on the retina scan (kidding, that isn't required...yet) - I'm ready.
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5 comments:
lol, your posts crack me up. :o) and for the record, I enjoy them. yours was one i found and followed after we finally got our referral and am still following because i enjoy watching your little girl grow - and your very amusing commentary of course. ;o) I can understand why you don't "enjoy" blogging; I just do it so that one day my kids can look back and see what they did. Who knows, they may not care, but I figure I'm doing my part. And I'm a horrible scrapbooker. My poor girl's supposed to have a "lifebook" done by now. ha. we'll see if she ever has one. but she will have a blog to look at! so here's one follower who's hoping you'll stick with it... :o)
Wishing you joy and peace and the strength to get through the stressful stuff without letting it affect your amazing relationship with Tessa.
I enjoy reading your blog when I miss you and want to find out what has been going on. I don't care how much time has lapsed between postings. I volunteer to post for you, your experience with baby h2. I like your wit and don't mind the misspellings. Please don't stop. Love you! :)
I really enjoy your blogs. Sometimes they really make me LOL and sometimes they make me cry (not boo hoo) just misty eyed. Please don't stop. It is my way to see Tessa bloom and grow. I for one would really miss it!
I look forward to the blog for babyh#2 also. I love you all and wish for you a speedy adoption this time. If that doesn't happen I pray for peace in your hearts as you await the A day for now you have Tessa to fill your hearts and minds. Love GAGA
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