My road to motherhood has been long - I have cried more than I should have, I have felt sorry for myself for many a night and yet I still think this isn't quite fair. It seems terribly unfair that a little person should have to wait so long to have loving arms to hold them. It seems terribly unfair that a Mom and a Dad should have to wait so long to hold their child.
I am aware of what needs to happen to make sure this is legal and ethical. In my head it makes sense but in my heart it doesn't. We stand before yet another delay in what seems like a road I should be familiar with but I have a hard time accepting. We speed up we slow down - I feel like a boat adrift with no control.
I selfishly wanted a good number yesterday, on my birthday no less - we got nothing but reasons. Last month I challenged those reasons, feeling bold as a 2x traveler of this winding road. This month the reasons were more specific which I appreciate, but don't anymore 'get' than I did last month with no reasons.
Why do I bother? I have a 4 year old asking where her little sister is, what is taking so long, telling her teachers I am expecting, other Mommas have babies quickly you know. Dagger to my heart. If I could reverse time I would have never told her this early - getting her hopes up for an imaginary person from 'Aprica'.
So here we are again at number 46 or was it 47? No matter, the ole' carrot is right before us again - right out of reach.
In the mist of all this I am now fielding questions from T:
T: who dropped me in China?
M: no one honey, what do you mean?
T: if you and Daddy picked me up, who dropped me?
M: (smiling to myself) you weren't dropped in China, that is where you were born and we flew on a plane to pick you up and bring you home.
T: who did that?
M: did what?
T: borned me?
M: your birth Mommy
T: okay
M: (waiting...)
M: (waiting...coming up with answers I don't know the questions too)
T: can we have a cookie?
This was right up there with her asking me what 'hope' meant one day on the way to work. I need to be on point at all times with this kid!! :)
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2 comments:
46 or 47 is a good sign, your first number was 81? So that means that you are 34 or 35 numbers closer. Lots of reasons to smile.
So sorry it is taking so long. We had a three year+ wait and it was excruciating. Wish all the babies/children could be placed in their new parents arms much sooner.
Also, about the teeth issue, yes, we were told briefly that teeth are formed in the womb and very early nutrition, so to beware. They were right, our daughter has had many issues including the soft caps, crumbling teeth, stained teeth. But overall, she will be fine. Happiness to your in 2014 (and your new baby).
Alyzabeth's Mommy
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