Warning: Don't read without tissues

I watch about a dozen adoption blogs, some from families who are waiting, some from families who have received their little ones. Here is a recent write up of an adopted mothers perspective of her daughter, Ruby. She has been with her forever family a little less than a month:

"What you don't see on this blog. You don't see Ruby's perspective. You see only mine. My selfish perspective that only shares the wonderment of finally, finally being a parent.

You don't see Ruby's anguish. Her fear of being alone for even a milisecond. The shrieks of terror that eminate out of every cell in her being when I (or Joel) leave her eyesight.

You don't see the countless number of arms that have held her over her 9-1/2 months and passed her on. The sadness she feels from the loss of her foster family. The sheer grief she must feel from being left on April 9th at the doorstep of an orphanage.

Tonight, it hit me. Hard.

I put sweet little Ruby down (after sleeping for over 30 minutes on or next to me) in her crib and watched her completely melt down to a base fear. A fear of being left behind. Of not being held. Of who knows what? Because I'll never know.

I feel fairly useless as her parent. I don't know what she knows. I only try to provide. I attempt to comfort. To soothe with American lullabies that mean nothing to hear.

We watched THE PAINTED VEIL tonight. Ruby was crawling around and in one scene, a Chinese drama is being acted out and the songs made her turn and stop. Then, later a group of children were singing a Chinese song and she stopped, stared mesmerized at the screen.

What is she missing with us? And yet, she is GAINING as well, right?

Tonight, when I lifted my sobbing inconsolable child from the crib, I cried and cried as well (snot and everything). And then, she fell asleep.....somehow comforted by my tears and sobs.....as if it helped her to know that someone else was grieving.

You don't see this on my blog. You only see Ruby smiles, and my joy in being a parent. But there is more."